Films and games - never the twain shall meet.

In wake of the DVD release of the much reviled Max Payne film i'm looking at whether any film makes a great game or vice versa. I've been racking my tired brains to think of one but all that comes to mind are shambling monstrosities, games that should've been gathered up during some kind of ceremony and cast onto a huge pyre while people stand around and chant.
Transformers, X-Men, SpiderMan, Lord of the Rings, any number of kids films - all the games that i can think of that have originated from films have been absolutely dire offerings although they did sell quite well.


For £39.99 you could also buy two sets of cardboard boxes, some paint and tinfoil and you and a mate could dress up as Transformers. The end result would be more fun than the game but then so would stabbing yourself in the face.

I remember talking about this with my brother when i worked in Game a few years ago and we applied an almost psychological approach as to why the gaming community would want to purchase a title that had not only been torn apart by the press but that would almost definately be total and utter dross.
The reason, my friends, is two fold. Firstly i'm guessing that the majority of games released from the back of a film are purchased by children - Bee Movie, Jumper, Transformers, Star Wars, Hulk, Iron Man - all these films appeal to kids and are easy purchases for parents. The completely lost mum or grandparent wanders blindly into Game looking for a game to buy little Johnny for Christmas, panicks due to the sensory overload, sees a game they recognize from the TV, grabs it and buys it.
Having had first hand experience in a gaming shop for way too many years i know this to be alot of the reason why consistently poor movie ports are still being bought up like hot cakes today.

The second reason is that people want to feel like they're in the film that they've just watched, especially superhero films. They've just left the cinema and wander around lost, full of the adrenaline that they felt when they were watching the movie. What's easier than going home, crafting your own suit of futuristic armour and hitting the streets to solve crimes? Deliberately subjecting a spider to radiation and then coaxing it to bite you before donning a suit and swinging around abit? Befriending gigantic robots that can transform into various vehicles and then save the world from some evil tanks and helicopters?
The answer is to go and spend £39.99 on a piece of crap that promises to make you feel like you're in the film. The reality, however, is that the games companys know that you lust for this adoption of something you're not and play off it. They know that they can release any sub standard tat and that people will buy it.

I remember the last time i fell into their trap and i'm pleased to say it doesn't happen all that often. I stupidly purchased Iron Man on the 360 having convinced myself that although i've yet to see Iron Man this game would make me Tony Stark. I could be jetting around, firing my wrist rockets with wanton abandon and customising my armoured suit at a whim with any new technology that i pleased. No longer would i be Mark, confined to my tiny bedroom and earning a measley income in a mind numbing job!!
This was going to be good.


This is a rare occurence and a pointless effort on the part of Iron Man. Shortly after destroying this missile he'll only be hit with another.

The illusion was shattered simply by inserting the disc into the 360 and realising, all too late, that i'd been a fool. This wasn't going to change my life except possibly for the worst. By the second level i realised that not only was this the same generic rubbish that i'd seen in the past but that it was actually a totally insane game. For ages i thought i was doing something wrong as i was plucked out of the air every 3 seconds by a missile which were incredibly hard to avoid due to the fact that at one point there were about 40 of them buzzing around me. I went onto the internet and discovered that other people had also had the same problem and that that was the way the game was designed.
You, as Iron Man, fly around a circular landscape bashing into invisible boundaries as you attempt, in vain, to escape from a mass of explosives that keep coming regardless of your efforts. I realise now that it was naive of me to upgrade my suit with chaff countermeasures thinking that maybe that would solve the problem. In reality the chaff distracted one of the missiles which is akin to being attacked by a pack of rabid dogs and throwing a single sausage at them.

I was also mildly tempted to buy Wanted last weekend because i thought the film was pretty cool but my mate in Game assured me that it's possible to complete it in 3hrs so i gave that one a miss. A shame as once again the potential was there to make a great game based on a great film.

I'm racking my brains now trying to think of a decent movie that was made from a game. Actually Silent Hill was pretty good although that was a game that became a movie that became a game so that covers all bases. What else is there?

BloodRayne - shocking
Max Payne - awful
Street Fighter - absolutely laughably bad
Mario Brothers - dire: Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper?!
Tomb Raider - passable???
Doom - nooooooooo!!!!!!


Whoever thought this was a good idea needs to be punished. For a start putting Hoskins and Hopper in the same film was an accident waiting to happen.


The only two reasons to watch BloodRayne.

No doubt they'll soon be releasing a film based on Grand Theft Auto and i'm sure ive heard that Halo the movie is in the pipline. Type in Street Fighter into Google right now and all you'll see is the new film that they're making starring Kristen Kreuk as Chun Li, now i'm not a betting man but i think i can predict whether it will be an oscar winner or not. If nothing else i think we've learnt over the past few paragraphs that games and films DO NOT and should not mix - it simply doesn't work!!!

Anyone think of any decent ports between the two formats then let me know!!